Stinking Revenge
by padawanjinx
Summary: This is a Qui/Obi 'bonding' fic... its just for fun, a joke even. Took an hour to write and I laughed my ass off the entire time. Hope you get a kick out of it too. ;)


**Stinking Revenge**

Disclaimer: I don't own em, I just play with em. Consider this free publicity.

This is a bit of stupid, frivolous humor, that occurred to me in the most strangest of circumstances. Enjoy it for what it is.. sour braincandy. LOL

"AH HA!" Qui-Gon Jinn yelled, jumping out from behind the edge of the sofa.

He frowned and surveyed the area, looking for his padawan. They were engaged in a rather rare and somewhat odd game of 'cat-n-mouse'. Qui-Gon had to admit his padawan did a good job of hiding from him.

He opened up to the force and found no trace of his apprentice, but an odd force-less area had him suspicious. He ventured into his bedroom, pretending to be interested in the closet, when suddenly he fell to his knees and grab a firm hold on a rumpled tunic and dragged the youth out by his collar. 

"No master! Please, no more! I can't breathe!" Obi-Wan protested as he struggled to get away from the much larger Jedi.

"Ohhhh No. After the stunt you pulled, this is the best way to punish you." Qui-Gon grinned, then pulled Obi-Wan into a bear hug.

*fffsssttt*

"MASTER!!!! STOP!" Obi-Wan screamed as he wriggled an arm free.

"Quiet! Take it like a man!" Qui-Gon joked while he fought to maintain control over his padawan.

Obi-Wan suddenly felt nauseous and lulled his head around, bringing his hand up to his face. He whimpered and sagged in his masters arms, temporarily overcome. He thanked the force he wasn't standing, because his legs felt rubbery and useless.

"How was that Obi-Wan? Getting better?" Qui-Gon asked bemused.

Obi-Wan groaned, his throat felt tight and he gasped for oxygen. "Not funny." He choked a couple of other words out, but they were undistinguishable to the master. 

"Come now padawan, it's not that bad. I've had worse."

"OH FORCE!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, then finally broke free from his master and sprinted towards the door. "Gotta go master! Don't wait up!"

"Come back here! We're not done yet!" Qui-Gon yelled as he rose to chase after his apprentice.

"Not a chance!" Obi-Wan yelled from the other end of the hall as he disappeared around the corner.

Qui-Gon fumed at his padawan and stalked out the door after him. "You are asking for it padawan. I'll embarrass you in front of your friends." Qui-Gon called, but knew his padawan was already out of earshot.

Obi-Wan raced down the hall and entered the lift hurriedly. He punched in the level for the gardens and waited as the lift expedited him to his destination. The doors opened and Obi-Wan raced down towards the lake, near the smaller reflecting pond in the corner. He knew there was a small hiding place under the large flora.

When he turned the corner, he skidded to a halt as Master Yoda eyed him with disappointment.

"Fire there is Padawan Kenobi?"

"No master. I was just trying to find a safe hiding place." Obi-Wan started, then realized that didn't sound right.

"Hiding place? Why need you a hiding place?" The green master perked his ears with curiosity.

"Well, its kind of personal master Yoda." Obi-Wan fumbled his words and glanced about nervously.

"Alive I have been for over 800 years. Know of more personal matters I do. Tell me you will." Yoda motioned to a small bench for the two to sit and chat.

Obi-Wan obliged, sitting down and waiting for the small master to be seated. "It's master Qui-Gon."

"Having trouble are you two?"

"Not like you think! Really, he's a great master! I couldn't ask for a better teacher."

"Except?"

"He is blaming me for an incident on our last mission that wasn't my fault." Obi-Wan sighed, "And now I'm being punished for it."

"Tell me about it you will." Yoda instructed softly.

Obi-Wan frowned then began, "On the mission to Iomus, right before we were to leave, Master Qui-Gon suggested we should clean up before we boarded our transport. The Iomus people had shrouded us with some sort of flowers that had stained us a shade of purple, so Master Qui-Gon told me that the Iomus people had given us some sort of cleanser to get the stain off. Well, Master Qui-Gon had inadvertently confused the containers of cleanser with a tonic."

"Then mistake it is on his part. Punished you should not be."

"He doesn't see it that way. He thinks that since I heard the descriptions of the containers too, then I should have remembered and been wise to the accidental switch."

"What harm did it cause? Honest mistake it was. Made it himself he did."

"Well master, it smelled sweet in the other container, but it was a tonic deviated of some sort of stinky animal. A Manlar skunk I believe. Anyway, Master Qui-Gon bathed in it and after he started to dry off he noticed the bad smell. So he blamed me."

"Done that before he has." Yoda nodded. "Know better he does. Why punish you for it."

"Well master, it didn't help that I was laughing my braid off." Obi-Wan grinned sheepishly and then shook his head. "It was so funny, I just HAD to laugh at him."

"Bad sport he always has been." Yoda huffed disgusted. "You fault it is not."

"I know that, but he doesn't. It took forever to get the smell off, but to teach me a lesson, he ate some strange dish and now has been expelling the most disgusting odor. He's even holding me down and even sitting on me so I can't go anywhere and get away from the smell. Not only do they stink, but a lot of them are LOUD!" Obi-Wan threw his arms up in defeat.

Yoda shook his head, "Always doing that he was."  


"Master?"

"Lost a girlfriend because of that action he did. Thinks its funny he does." Yoda rolled his eyes and sighed. "Humans, strange they are."

"What do you mean by that?" Obi-Wan asked, feeling somewhat defensive now.

Yoda looked over at Obi-Wan and laughed, "Not speaking of you I was. Speaking of humans in general. Seem to be amused by their own bodies they are. Seem to make a game out of who can make the most and loudest bodily function, they do."

Obi-Wan looked shocked, "You mean that a lot of people think of this as entertaining?"

"Oh yes. Used to do it all the time to me he did. Would eat foods he knew would effect him in that way, then try to trap me. Smother me he wanted to! Even did it while stuck in a lift!"

"In a lift?" Obi-Wan's jaw dropped. This was DEFINITELY a side of his master that not a lot of people see, or smell.

"Humans are only one of a few species that can produce such a foul odor in that manner. Wait he would. Stand in lift for a few minutes to set a trap. Unsuspecting Jedi fell victim to the powerful nerve gas. Nearly suffocated several masters he did. Not forgotten those pranks are."

Obi-Wan's eyes were huge as Yoda described the traps Qui-Gon used to set. He couldn't believe his master, one of the best swordsman in the Order, a powerful Jedi Knight, would be capable of such prankish behavior. 

"Teach him a lesson you will." Yoda smiled a knowing smile.

"Master?"

"Beat him at his own game. Able to do it you can. My species, can not. Never able to get revenge I was." Yoda tapped his gimer stick on the ground with a grumble.

"Master, revenge is the dark side." Obi-Wan told the elder.

"When breathing is at stake, only survival should be thought of. Give Qui-Gon a taste of his own medicine we will. Teach him a valuable lesson."

"But master, he'll kill me!" Obi-Wan exclaimed a bit high pitched.

"Acting under my orders you are. Outrank Qui-Gon I do. Need this lesson he does." Yoda said, getting down and motioning for Obi-Wan to follow him.

Yoda led Obi-Wan down to the main kitchen area and talked to one of the food preparers. She gladly made Obi-Wan a plate of raw and cooked vegetables, and gave him a large bowl with some small, white beans in heavy broth.

Yoda explained his plan to Obi-Wan as the youngster ate. Both would start laughing and Obi-Wan wondered if after this 'lesson' if he would still be alive after his master caught him. Yoda excused himself to attend some meetings and made plans to meet up with Obi-Wan within a few hours.

Later on that evening, Obi-Wan made his way back home, hoping his master was gone or passed out. When he opened the door, he saw Master Yoda sitting and talking with Qui-Gon.

Qui-Gon grinned "Hello padawan. I do hope you are ready to begin your advanced meditations tonight."

Obi-Wan gulped, then looked over to Yoda for help.

Yoda tapped his gimer stick on the ground, "Asked to see young Kenobi I did. Stayed with me all afternoon. Needed to attend some business and resolve some issues."

Qui-Gon rose an eyebrow questioningly at his apprentice. 

Obi-Wan faked a grin and sat by his masters side on the sofa. They talked for a short time about odds and ends that Yoda made seem very important. In the middle of their conversation, Obi-Wan grinned at Yoda and winked.

Yoda rose up a little in his seat and addressed the Knight, "A lesson you need to be taught. Remember all the horrible things that smelled up our quarters I do."

Qui-Gon's eyes got large as he started to stand. Yoda used the force to hold him still as Obi-Wan climbed up on his masters lap with a huge grin. He threw his arms around his masters neck and started in about accidents and how revenge is the dark side.

Yoda interrupted Obi-Wan, "A minute I need."

Obi-Wan waited as Yoda pulled a miniature breathing mask from under his cloak and secured it to his face. He nodded at Obi-Wan and soon a loud ***BLLlPPPSSTTTT* **was heard.

Qui-Gon started to turn green and screamed, "OBI-WAN!!! YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!!!

Told ya it was stupid. I just thought of it while eating a bowl of chili and it occurred to me…. Do the Jedi hold down each other and fart ??like a bunch of guys I know which will go unnamed at this time Do they all sit in their council chambers and try to light them?? See who can make the stinkiest? The loudest?

Or am I the only one that wonders about that?


End file.
